Cross-posted to Vox, LiveJournal, Facebook, MySpace, Renspace, and Xanga.

Some of you have heard this before. Those of you who have been to my house may have read something similar.
If you have a three-syllable name for me, this does not apply to you.

If you feel that you are too lazy to say or spell my name correctly, "Guin," pronounced "Gwen," is an acceptable nickname, from "Guinevere," the French origin of my name. I sanction it. Now try to remember if I have ever sanctioned 'Jen' or 'Jenny' to be used for me: you will not be able to, for I have not done so. Some people do not mind truncated versions of their name. I am not one of those people. It is for me as a butchering, and I will have none of it. I say this every now and again, and sometimes it is heeded. Mostly, however, it is not.

I have asked nicely; at least, as nicely as I can manage on a topic that invokes such strong not-nice feelings in me. I hate those nicknames. "Jennifer" is only three syllables and eight letters. Is that so difficult? I do not think I ask much of my friends. I ask this.

I realize that, if this is the first time you've heard of this from me, this may seem a bit severe. But for too long has it plagued me. If any henceforth call me "Jen" or "Jenny," they should not bother waiting for me or an answer. I will be too busy trying to find a happy place, for that is what I will require for my sanity and their well-being to remain intact.